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hotaru_x
14 January 2012 @ 09:20 am
It's true that the part of me just want to play safe in a line, keep watching everyone from this box.
it's true that I kept saying that I believed my self that I could do something that I want, .... but in reality I doubted it.

Stuck in my same position,
you deserve so much more
There’s a whole world around us,
just waiting to be explored


the outsider, who watched everything yet didn't want to play around, who laughed at something funny outside but didn't enjoy it, who cried at something sad but didn't really feel it, who envied people who could reach the higher place in their dreams but didn't even really want to participate in the harsh reality.

Greyson said
"You deserve so much more"
and right now, I want to believe that I do.

One of my friend said
"people who didn't understand that I was in the lowest life before I stand in this place will keep envying me".


Instead of just sitting around
and looking down on tomorrow
You gotta let your feet off the ground,
the time is now, just let it go


So I have to be ready to stand in the lowest life and running on the roughest path before climbing to the higher place.
I stamped this way, the now me as the lowest life. all I have to do right now is preparing myself to run, run as fast as possible until I saw you.. people around me above the place that I dream on. ^^


I’m trying to be patient 
the first step is the hardest 
I know you can make it,
go ahead and take it

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Current Location: home
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: Greyson chance - Waiting outside the lines
 
 
hotaru_x
I went to blackberry live & rockin' concert last night ^^ the guest were 2PM, Suede, Taio Cruz and Shontelle. :)
it was awesome~~

I can't believe that Junsu was really handsome in real life.. more handsome than Khunnie ^^;;
Khun looked the same :P
even though I'm fan of Taecyon, my eyes kept hooked with Junsu :P *I'm sorry taecyon..*
they said everything in English and Indonesia :D so we could understand what they said :)

Taecyon said they will back to Indonesia, for their concert!!! *YAY~!!!* should come!! should come!!! ^^

anyway, this is the ticket:

a lil' bit messy coz I took this while I was in the queue..


see how handsome they are!!!! I want to hug taeckyon~ XD

and one thing that I remember about 2pm lastnight, they were so nice.. ^^ nicer than SHINee who were coming last year. :P believe me.. 2pm members were arrived on Jakarta (indonesia) around 4pm.. arrived to the venue around 5:30 pm, then performed at 7pm, then they back to Korea at 11:30 pm... yet still smile, greeted us warmly, tried to communicate in Indonesia :), did some fanservices (omo taecyon~ XD), (chansung - threw his towel to the fans :) ), they walked around and waved to us :), and their acrobatic dance was the best~!!~~.

they didn't rip their clothes tho.. ^^;;

P.S. Indonesian Hottest were awesome, our fanchants clearly heard on everysongs~~ :D and even taecyon was guiding us to shout "M" after members shout "2P~~~~!!!!!" ^^
thank you for coming 2pm, I want to attend to your concert again when you back here :D
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Current Location: home
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
Current Music: 2pm-I'll be back
 
 
hotaru_x
15 February 2011 @ 05:55 pm
sky  
if I feel so depressed and feel no hope, I isolate my self on the roof.
if I feel there's no one love me, I stare to the sky..
if I feel there's something wrong with my life, I look the clouds..
if I feel the tears push me to let it flow, I close my eyes, feel the wind.

then I feel there is a love.
the greatest love from God.

I like lying on the high place
I like the sky
I like the clouds
I like the stars
I like the wind
I like the lonely feeling of the sky..

the more depressed I am, the wider sky I see..

when I stare to the sky, I feel like God talks to me..
I feel He smiles to me..
throw away my sadness.

I like the cloudy weather.
I like the rain..
I like the raindrops..
I like the rainbow.

when I see the rain fall..
I feel like my depression disappear.. hiding behind the rain..

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Current Location: home
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: -
 
 
hotaru_x
14 February 2011 @ 10:15 pm
End.  
relieved ^^
I won't ask something sensitive about this feeling because now I know, it's not right to tell anything about this.
You.. are you.
and I will walk on my own path :)
with or without you, I'll still move forward :)
My heart is trembling because of too anticipating this time for so long.

Not looking for a hope anymore.

Will just lean my life to God, and keep smiling with the best smile ever :)
thank you for coming into my world.
But it's end now :)

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Current Location: home
Current Mood: peacefulpeaceful
Current Music: JYJ - Fallen Leaves
 
 
hotaru_x
12 February 2011 @ 01:52 pm
finally, for the first time, I wrote the essay in the Music essay book.
To say it honestly, it feels better to write there since the three wrote everything there. It feels so comfortable to say everything there.. about what I feel, my worry, everything! ^^

Well, I'm quite introvert to others on the real life since I've been being too afraid of telling everything that related to my matter because they might tease me with those stories, or when our relationship become bad in the future, they may use my story to kill me :(

anyway~ today, my brother gave me this!

PIGGY BANK!!!!

South Korea's PIGGY BANK! ^^
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Current Location: home
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: Utada hikaru - Heart Station
 
 
 
hotaru_x
08 February 2011 @ 04:31 am
okay. JYJ will visit my country this year.
I heard, it will be on April 9th 2011. Well, some admins who made the proposal have been taking contact with the promoter, and it was 100% confirmed that they will come, all we have to wait is the official confirmation from JYJ itself and the promoter to publish the confirmation :)

I'm willing to go.
I have to go.
I NEED TO GO, since it's JYJ!!!

I've been waiting like more than 2 years to meet them~ eventhough it's not 5 people (TVXQ), but 3 are better :) moreover, my biased is there!! :)

The Registration for VVIP tickets was already closed last night (like.. 5 hours ago?), I hope the detail of the concert will be published soon.

I planned to watch Justin Bieber's concert before this announcement out, and there still a chance to purchase JB's ticket online. so if JYJ didn't come, I can purchase JB ticket... Bruno Mars ticket sold out already tho.. :P

Well, not that I like JB so much.. I used to hate him. I don't like that kid voice. But I have to accept that he has talents. and.. I like his puberty voice ^^;; I love his acoustic album and curious to watch it live :)
maybe he's good.

But JYJ is my priority, since they're the best :P

Let's wait until the official confirmation out, and I'll purchase the ticket so it can bring me to those 3 awesome guys~~~ :DD
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Current Location: home
Current Mood: relaxedrelaxed
Current Music: justin bieber - my favorite girl acoustic
 
 
hotaru_x
04 February 2011 @ 08:48 pm
Start to take a courage to reach my dream..

so today, I received my passport. ^^

and it will be expired on January 26th 2016!! :D hahahaha, I think the staff knew what I really love.. that's Jeje's birthday, right? :D

it's not that I plan to go abroad this year, but it's just one of the preparation for my next study (am looking for the scholarship abroad), and.. I really want to watch JYJ concert next year (if they don't come to my country, at least I have passport to fly to S'pore or Korea? :) )

When I was googling last time, some people said that they hate Immigration office, they hate when it comes to register for their passport. But since the first day (registration date), 2nd day (interview and photo section), until the last day (received the passport), I was okay. it's fun~ ^^ the officers helped us alot. they even tried to joke with us :) we didn't get any difficulties during those times. ah, for taking a note, I made the passport on West Java, Depok. ^^ the officers are so friendly there :)

also, today, I received the best book ever.

Their rooms: JYJ MUSIC ESSAY BOOKS!!!!
yeah, as you can see, there're two. one is mine, and one is my friend's that ordered it together with me.


I really love the packaging, the sealed with morning JYJ in the balcony :) and... you not only get the hard seal (like you have on Mirotic ver A&B cd), but also with plastic cover for the book, and 4 JYJ Bookmarks plus ruller :), and... the lyrics paper + of course the CD :))


When I open the book, it's really HEAVEN!!! it's not joking, I feel like flying~ and smiles won't runaway from my face :) their pictures.. their essays... it's just.. heaven and awesome :) [I can't understand the essay tho since it's in hangul... but I get the translation already :)]

the lyrics paper and the cd are in the last page :)


now I want to show how gorgeous it is with my JYJ the beginning special edition :3

P.S. What I like the most is.. on the ruler, they write "Their Rooms & Your room".. somehow I feel their love from this book.. yeah, this is my room too :) our rooms.
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Current Location: home
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: JYJ - Mission
 
 
hotaru_x
04 February 2011 @ 08:25 am
there's no sun.
and it keeps raining inside, pouring my heart with the feeling that hard to explain.
some said love is a razor that shatter your heart to bleed.
some said loneliness is the rain that never can catch the rainbow.

there's something that I don't quite understand my self. eventhough I have so many friends outside, it seems hard to tell about this kind of feeling.

maybe, this is what Jeje always thought.. something that he wrote on his essay..
"I am alone.."

Not that I am really alone here.. the feeling of loneliness often come around me, hiding those lovely smile, creating cold atmosphere that asked to be hugged to get warm.

The more older you are, there are a lot of things that disturb you...
even a small thing can make you down.

there's still no sun.
and it keeps raining inside.
I need to hide, under the shelter..
I need a shelter.. an umbrella..

but since there's still no umbrella nor the shelter..

where do I have to hide?
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Current Location: home
Current Music: Alesha Dixon - Breathe Slow
 
 
hotaru_x
29 January 2011 @ 11:13 am
When I've been trying hard to escape and forget some bad things I've done in the past.. trying to leave the love that I had... she, reminds me with these wonderful words..
-------------------------------------------------------------

I LOVE YOU, my family
I LOVE YOU, my friend everyday
I LOVE YOU, my one and only lover

And you and you.

No matter how far apart we are, there's nothing to forget
Anything I can remember is a treasure I found


I LOVE YOU, yesterday's story
I LOVE YOU, a story from years ago
I LOVE YOU, the usual today

And my dream ...myself

Even when my mind is distressed and the things my eyes see are blurred,
I believe that even these bad things are a treasure from the beginning

I LOVE YOU, I listen to the music
I LOVE YOU, the starlight and the moon at night
I LOVE YOU, flying with the wind over the sea

And the sky!

I LOVE YOU...

-- otsuka ai - I love xxx.
 

I should learn more to love everything.. how painful it was, how suferring it's been.. those are about me, and everything around me. there's no right to hate or ask for God to let me forget..
I have no right to give up.. then why should I become so stubborn?
just love everything..
smile towards anything, as you want... you want to be happier, today, right?

then smile..
even though there're tears on your face, it will disappear when you smile..
and you will be feeling better.

just tell everything, I love you.
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Current Location: home
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: otsuka ai - I love xxx
 
 
hotaru_x
27 January 2011 @ 09:21 pm
Oh no..
it becomes worst..
why did I back to my previous (un-healthy) coping system?
problem=sleep
more problem=more sleep.

I should stay until midnight today.. I have to pray... again.
God.. help me. TT

it's not that I keep complaining the same thing.. but I don't want to be always trapped on this matter.
everytime that name came into my dream, my day will be all "blue".. no happiness, all I could see just... painful feeling.

I hope, tomorrow, when I wake up, I'll be okay.. and won't think about this anymore.
that name should be banned from my mind.
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Current Location: home
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Justin Bieber - Pray